Ups and Downs

Isaiah 61
The Year of the LORD 's Favor

"(1) The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,

because the LORD has anointed me

to preach good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim freedom for the captives

and release from darkness for the prisoners,

(2) to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor

and the day of vengeance of our God,

to comfort all who mourn,

(3) and provide for those who grieve in Zion-

to bestow on them a crown of beauty

instead of ashes,

the oil of gladness

instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise

instead of a spirit of despair.

They will be called oaks of righteousness,

a planting of the LORD

for the display of his splendor."

Dad was showing improvement until 5:00am this morning. There is no virus...Nothing growing in the cultures and no sign of what is causing him the shock and pain. Basically a normal person's white blood count is around 5,000 on a bad day and his count is knocking on 100. The chemo is literally killing him. I felt discouraged this morning and then once again, the Lord asked me gently what my hope was in? My faith can so quickly diminish to something so much smaller than a mustard seed. Brennen Teel, one of Todd's best friends, was diagnosed with leukemia when he was six years old and his words of experience breathed some hope into me. He told his mom about my dad's white blood count and she said that there were many times when he had no white blood cells. The Lord doesn't need things to make sense for them to work. He gives and he takes away on His own agenda, not a doctors or mine. He is in critical condition. The doctor made it sound like he wasn't going to make it through the day. He is still here with us. Dr. White just talked to us and kind of gave us his take on the situation. His tummy is extremely swollen and they are uncertain as to what it is exactly. They are giving him meds to jump start his bone marrow and hopefully it will produce TONS OF WHITE BLOOD CELLS. He is also receiving some platelets, however Katherine told us these won't do a whole whole lot. We will take what we can get, and I was just thinking...If the Lord can turn a couple of fish and loaves of bread into an overflowing abundance for thousands then I am thinking He most certainly is able to multiply some white blood cells for my daddy. Dr. White is concerned that he could have some dead intestine in his stomach which would pretty much mean that dad is done. However, it could be something else or swelling due to the lack of blood circulation. I just went back there and his vitals all looked a lot better though. His temperature is at 99F now and his heart rate is down to 98-101- these are both significant improvements. His blood pressure has gone down some as well as the dosage of blood pressure medicines. While this is good, there is no way to indicate how long he will stay that way. He is in a great deal of pain and there are soars all over his body, they are pouring and leaking. Could Jesus please touch him and take them away like he used to do with people who suffered from leprosy? Emotionally draining. We are all in the waiting room, Physically, and emotionally- But not spiritually. I am not waiting because the Lord has already won it all, he is our victorious king who sees all, even the end of this broken world, full of broken people, broken homes, broken relationships, and broken lands. He is our Only TRUE Healer. Katie McNeill is here with me now, she is stable and wonderful and those are two things that are beneficial to the waiting room... she is watching me type this and will probably laugh. Stable is good though, ya know? I am once again looking at the cross and see more glory and hope than ever before.

***Pray On Family***
1) That my dad's white blood cell count would increase at an exponential rate in a miraculous way.
2) That there would be NO DEAD INTESTINE IN HIS STOMACH.
3) He is too weak to be taken for a CAT scan so instead they are going to run some playing film (whatever that is) and pray that it will show enough for them to make some good decisions regarding his stomach
4) That his heart would pump in sink and that the blood would start moving... moving blood that will circulate. If this doesn't happen then he will start losing his extremities.
5) That the Lord would find favor in our request, that he would receive glory and that he will sustain us.

Call your mom and dad and tell them why your life is better because of how they have been apart of it. Why would we ever with hold love, or how we feel about someone or how someone has blessed you. Speak kind words that edify the church and bring life to the one receiving them. There isn't time for anything else. I love you all truly, madly, deeply, and the Lord hears your every uttered prayer and petition and I FEEL THEM. Blessings family.

kimbo

"Kimbo Kimbo where ya gonna goey-o, does your daddy know that you went down the street to meet a boy-eo? UH OH, Kimbo"...
My daddy used to sing this song to me when I was little girl (which feels like yesterday) I sang it to him tonight and I am sure that he heard me. I also sang hymns over him. He is just the cutest little man I have ever seen: so brave, so forgiving, so loving, and so strong. I just ran to a friend of the family's house, much closer to the hospital than our own house, and grabbed a shower. We can't see my dad until 10:00am tomorrow morning, and I am off to the hospital to sleep. My dad's heart rate dropped some more to 130, opposed to the 150 it reached yesterday. It is still high due to the blood pressure medicine. My dad has an infection, a virus if you will. They are growing the virus in a culture and we will know exactly what it is in two more days. Tomorrow they will know what family the bug is in, and be able to treat it by prediction and than by Tuesday, accurately. My dad's body is still in shock. Shock apparentlty can last a couple of weeks to months. Prayer needs at this point would be that my dad would maintain good vitals, his temperature (101.1) would go down, and that the shock would leave him MIRACULOUSLY FAST. Shock is bad. He is still on life support and still draining fluid from his lung. His urine is great, which leads me to my next point...His Kidney is doing AMAZING... his nurse Katherine told me that he had a super kidney. I love you all and we have loved all of the people who have offered to help, the many prayers, and the people that have stopped by Medical City to give a good hug. My dad can't talk but he knows we are there, and he feels the presence of your prayers. I have never felt so close to the Lord as I have sitting at my dad's side, litteraly seeing him breathe every breath into my dad. Some call it life support, I call it the ultimate One who gives life. If life support is the air we breathe then the way I see it, we are all on life support... the life being the one God has given us to stick around in this earthly tent that we dwell in to proclaim his goodness and glory and the support being, the fact that he not only gives but sustains every breath that we take. Sweetest dreams family. Rest easy for our MOST FAITHFUL father has us right where he wants us to be...resting in his promises, goodness, and love. Who needs answers when you have a love that is true and right and real and a Father that is EVERLASTING and NEVER ENDING. My dad and I will at some point know temporary seperation but never eternal. Praise Jesus for his blood and the grace he has shed upon my family. night night.

word

I have seen dad today twice and it was equally fabulous. We are still in criticial condition, not stable but sitting in a better place than yesterday. I talked to his doctor and he kind of shook his head and I said, "Oh no, not good?", and he said, "No, it's miraculous, I mean AMAZING." He told me that my dad died several times yesterday and that somebody bigger than them was keeping him alive today. This was not a "We're in the clear chat" but it was confirmation that the Lord hears us and is bigger than my body or their medicine. The only change we are seeing, is while he is still receiving the three different anti-biotics, he is taking less of each of them and still maintaining his blood pressure, which isn't good but better. His heart rate is 137, a normal persons operates at around 80 beats per minute. His heart rate last night was 148. I slept for a solid six and a half hours last night. Wonderful. I am comforted by His hands, they are holding me tightly. I will see him again at four and I will let you all know if I hear anything else.

Latest Report

Pray bigger than ever, for God is revealing himself to me more and more, and if I am seeing anything it is that our God is BIG!!! (AND GOOD) The doctors came to tell us in that scary way you know... Immediate family only etc... They said that they didn't think he was going to even endure the procedure. BUT HE DID! He is currently on life support (a respirator) and the draining of his lung was successful. I have seen him twice since the procedure. He looks scary, cold and off-colored. The Lord has given me grace upon grace and peace upon peace. I saw him at 9:00pm and it was divine. I haven't even wanted to cry around him. I just smile at him and he knows that I am smiling. He looked at me and I said, "Look daddy, no tears. You are doing great, and I have GREAT HOPE in what the Lord is doing." My calmness, WELL the calmness the Lord has given me, has honestly surprised me. Daddy is by no means stable, but he is doing better. His nurse is just about the most precious thing I have ever seen. She might be an angel. Her name is Katherine, all smiles and a gentleness that screams that GOD IS REAL AND IN THIS PLACE. She is also strong. There are angels in my daddy's room (Room 302) and a blanket of peace. I was praying over him and I asked the Lord to give me something to let me know that He hears me and my dad squeezed my hand and opened his eye. The All Sufficient one hears me, and my dad feels us praying. He is sleeping now after a large dose of morphine. Again the next 24-48 hours ARE CRUCIAL... we are not in the clear at all... pray pray pray. All my love, when I know something you will know something. The whole entire family is here and safe. Jesus, you give us eternal hope and the reality of your glory and victory, even now in this moment. You are good. Blessings loved ones.

A message of HOPE and desperation

Today as I sat with dad, he started looking and feeling extremely sick. His blood pressure dropped and his temperature surpassed 100. He has a severe infection and the doctors are not confident. My aunt asked if he was going to pull through, and he the ICU doctor simply shook his hand and said, "It's about a fifty fifty chance and there is just no way to know at this point." He went into the Medical Surgical Intensive care unit around 1:30pm. They are going to put him on a respirator (life support) and drain his left lung. His body is in shock. Seeing him in the midst of many different nurses and doctors , where only moments earlier we were just sitting together holding hands I was overwhelmed. I had to wear gloves and a robe in his presence as of yesterday and I hated how that must have made him feel, like he was something that I didn't want to catch. It is 5:00pm now and still no word. Please pray for healing, that the Lord will give his frail body strength to withstand all of this. Pray for His will to be done, and for His glory to be made known to all of us. I am hopeful in my precious Jesus, please come quickly sweet Jesus. Todd is on his way from the deer lease and is currently about forty-five minutes away. My grandmother is extremely unsettled. My dad's sister's flight lands at 5:30pm and his other sister, Deanne is already here. I am sad because I want to take the pain away. I want to see him so badly. It is so strange how he in theory is only down the hall behind some double doors in a sterile white room but how I feel like he is a million miles away. I love that man. He was one of the first people to teach me how to love, I mean really love, apart from Jesus...Please join me in asking for a miracle today. I love you all. I will try to let you all know as this temporary world unfolds around us, what is happening eternally in my story.

Ephesians 3

EPHESIANS 3:14-21 "(14)For this reason I kneel before the Father, (15)from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. (16)I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, (17)so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, (18)may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, (19)and to know this love that surpasses knowledge that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.(20)Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, (21)to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."

Refreshing. Paul wrote prayers that I often feel and get to steal his words, and well I suppose God's words for that matter, to express them. I love this passage. I honestly haven't read it in a while and it was one of my first loves in scripture. I now am remembering why. What great hope we have in our Father. God's love surpasses knowledge. GLORIOUS...Don't you think? I do. He is ABLE to do IMMEASURABLY MORE than ALL of the things we ask or even can dream up. I believe this to be true. He is able and He can and His love abounds and far extends beyond circumstances, degrees of book smarts, our human capacity to figure him out, and the greatest love affairs we have ever had. I can breathe better after sitting with this passage. What a most valuable and specific word the Lord had for me today. Onward with the report...

***DAD***
-Praise God for his work... The doctors seem to think that the tumors in his shoulder as well as his lymph node have shrank a considerable amount!!! Also the blood transfusion he received yesterday went GREAT!
1) COMPLETE HEALING... Pray this boldly as we invite doctors to give it their best shot and ask GOD TO DO ONLY WHAT HE CAN DO.
2) Bed sores, diarrhea, sores in his mouth(REAL BAD), and for swelling in his feet; his feet have gotten better but are extremely sensitive and tender.
3)Dad is no longer able to eat at all SO he will have a feeding tube put in towards the end of the week. In the mean time he will be receiving protein and nutrients through his pick line.
4)His white blood cell count is also low. (.50 I believe) He can not have the procedure for the feeding tube done until that count goes up, because they are concerned about infection.

***MOM***
1) She will be starting as the new President of the Chamber of Commerce on April 1st and leaving corporate America! She is thrilled; I feel like she is a senior about to graduate from high school, college bound- she can't wait.
2) She has many obligations in multiple places right now and simply just needs us to pray for her strength and sweet heart.

***The Kiddos***
All is well. Todd is relaxing at the deer lease (which is GREAT!) Have fun bubby! Scott is working each and every day away... We are all so proud of him and he is seemingly feeling better. I have my last test for a long while on Monday at 3:00pm. I am staying with dad at the hospital at night which is precious time for me... We watched a movie together last night and it was fun to just sit with him. Pray for our rest tonight!

I love my family... I am talking about you all. You all have welcome home and I love you in every card we receive in the mail, dish of food brought to our house, visit that brings a smile because of all of the good times and memories we have shared, and in your prayers from people we may not even meet until heaven. WE LOVE YOU WE LOVE YOU WE LOVE YOU!!!!!!!! May you be ever consumed with HIS LOVE THAT SURPASSES KNOWLEDGE! Blessings, Kimmy

Big day

Dad feels weak but is keeping in good spirit. He goes back today around 2:00pm for another chemo and hopefully, if his body can handle it, a week from tomorrow for one more. At this point they will run the test and we will know some results. Can you taste it? I eagerly anticipate the news and lab results. In the mean time... pray for my dad. He is so tired and in a great deal of pain. The swelling has gone down considerably... PRAISE GOD! He is still choking down every ensure, boost, and cream of chicken broth that he can, none of it pleasurable or tasty BUT SO NECESSARY. My dad's birthday is on March 7th and I am thrilled. I am working on a special surprise for him. I would tell you all what it is but then it wouldn't be a surprise. i love you all and continue to ask and thank you in advance for the time you spend praying for my dad and family. I take my test today at 11:30am... hip hip hooray! Feel free to shout one out for me around that time if you think about it. I love you all tons and bunches and I pray that we would all be changed by the power of God's infinite and sufficient love today- truly changed, that we would look more like Jesus when the sun sets tonight than we did when it rose this morning. Blessings, kimmy

"By faith in the name of Jesus, this man who you see and know was made strong. It is Jesus' name and the faith that comes through him that has given this complete healing to him, as you all can see." - Acts 3:16

Last night was amazing. The formal was wonderful but what was more wonderful was how we stayed up until five in the morning just laughing and doing stupid things like playing hide and seek in the dark. I haven't laughed that much in months. Laughing really is medicine to the soul. My dad is doing well. His rash is still present but doing substantially better. The sores in his mouth are still there and real frustrating... Let us pray for healing in his mouth as well as COMPLETE HEALING. I went to church tonight in College Station and it blessed my heart. He spoke about the Lord's ability and desire to heal... How he healed a lame man physically and how he longed to heal the people of Israel spiritually. Our Lord is in the business of healing... All healings: emotionally, spiritually, and PHYSICALLY!!! The Lord has renewed my faith yet again, and assured me of his kind hands that are holding me so tightly. I want you all to know that I am so confident of what the Lord wants us to pray, and he wants us to pray for complete healing, a miracle. We are not fixated on an outcome but our eyes are fixed on Jesus. I really sat with the Lord, again, re-evalutating what I should be praying for and why I am praying what I praying for. The outcome hasn't varied yet. We are praying for HIS will to be done and for him to heal my dad. He can. I also wanted you to know how much I love getting your e-mails and comments. I find myself rereading all of the encouraging messages and prayers that you all have sent my way over and over. You keep me grounded in the endless possibilities of what our wonderful God can do, has done and what he is already doing. I love you all. I have a test on Wednesday... and the two I took last week went GREAT! Thanks for praying. I will be going home this weekend but probably not until Friday. XOXOXOXO

This Weekend

I got home tonight at around 12:30am. My dad had just gone to his bedroom, and luckily for me he was still awake. His hair started falling out last week and so we shaved his head again. I kind of like him bald, he is REAL cute. He looks like Mr. Clean. He is extremely swollen, the doctors said this was because he doesn't get enough protein. Protein doesn't really come in abundance through watery soup. He honestly doesn't really "look good", and he had a hard evening, so he told me. HOWEVER... He is thrilled to have all of his little ones under his roof for the weekend. Todd and Scott's fiance, Allison, flew in tonight, and I pulled in the driveway to Holly's car. The whole family is home -delightful. Daddy went to the hospital on Monday to resume the chemo but his lab work was poor and so they sent him home. He went back yesterday but couldn't find a vein that was cooperating; they are all pretty much done. They opted to put a pick line in, the same idea as a port. He received his chemo today. His pick line stays in him and they will put all of his meds in through that so NO MORE IV's! He was happy about that; the only thing that my dad doesn't like about them is when he showers. They can't get wet and it annoys him. My faith started to feel small tonight as I sat before him. He just looks so sick and different from what I can remember for most of my life. I started thinking about the actual cancer cells in his body that are just multiplying. I quickly became overwhelmed. I hate those cancer cells, every single one of them. I really do. I hate that they make him physically hurt so much. I love that the Lord is using them to reconcile my family's hearts and lives according to Him. It hurts. The things happening to his body aren't really ramifications of the cancer but the chemo. And Lord Jesus we pray that the cancer cell's aren't multiplying and that you are using this chemo that is temporarily hurting him to restore his health. Lord renew my mind with your voice that calms me and speaks truth to me and let me so easily recall your faithfulness in this time, rather than trusting in what my dad externally looks like. I will walk by faith even when I cannot see. Lord, what I am seeing tonight it is hard to watch. It is so hard to watch him fight. I would give anything to take it away. Anything. Remind me that you love him more than I do and that you won't let him slip through your fingers, that you know my father intimately and you long for your very best and abundant life for him. Before I ever existed or knew him, you did. Before there was time you loved him. I can not make much sense of this tonight, I love the life you have given me and without you it would be so meaningless and hopeless.
Well, sometimes when I write I forget who I am writing to, I thought about deleting the later portion of this entry but it is real. Tonight is a rough night for me. My heart is just so tender right now and all of these feelings just kind of snuck up on me as I entered his room. Deep breaths and a faithful father, one day at a time. I am going back to College Station on Saturday to go to my first social event with Pi Phi all year. It is our formal. Though my trip will be short I am truly grateful that I decided to come home, even if it was only for two nights. The sores in my dad are not really getting worse but they aren't getting better anymore either. These make it hard for him to eat and talk.

***Things to pray***
1) Removal of every single cancer cell... EVERY SINGLE ONE, that his tissue and blood would show no signs of this disease
2) That the Lord would increase my families faith, that we would grasp a Father who can heal if he so chooses, that we can and should pray courageously, for we are miracles ourselves
3) Removal of the sores in his mouth and throat
4) All of our travels this weekend
5) That our time together would be encouraging, purposeful, and edifying.
6) My room mates are keeping my dog, he can't come home anymore with me... They will need patience, sometimes he can be a handful

***He hears us***
1) The rash we have been praying about is still present but hardly itching at all!
2) Home health care is ready and just a phone call away when we need it now.
3) I was truly encouraged this week by Lauren Pyne and Laura Rodgers. The Lord has been so consistent in sending people into my life at just the right moment loving me in just the right way, and I am so undeserving and appreciative.

-I love you all and thanks for crying with me and being a safe place for me to confess my honest hurt as I walk through this. You all are our most valuable Savior's hands and feet. Thanks for holding my hand and walking with me. Sweetest dreams.

Euphoric

"(2)Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (3)Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:2-3

"Something has come over me, I can't explain it. Dad is home and I don't know how long he will be here with us physically but he is here now and today is a good day. I feel peace in every part of me in this moment, It's Euphoric. Okay, well that is all I called to say, I love you, see you in a bit."

This was the phone call I received from my mom on Friday afternoon. I was laughing at my mom's spontaneity and feeling joyous too at the fact that my dad was at home. It has been a wonderfully tiring weekend full of the people I care for most deeply. Thursday night Scott called and wanted me to take him to the emergency room, and so we went. Upon returning home at four in the morning, we were relieved at the fact that the pain he is experiencing is from tension and not any other serious complications. Friday he thought he wanted to go to the ranch with Todd and his friends, but in a good effort to make mature responsible decisions he called me to come and meet he and Ryan Lewis in McKinney and take him back home. He kept apologizing to me, if he only knew how much I enjoy spending time with him and that I would do that no matter the time or place, any chance I get. I love you bubby. Friday afternoon dad came home! I am so excited. Let me say that again I AM SO EXCITED. I love him being in this house, all bundled up because he is truly cold when the temperature is set on 80 (hehehe). He is doing better. Eating better, sleeping better, and being able to talk considerably more. The Underwoods stopped by, Archie and Nancy and their family have been dear to us ever since I can remember. After they left we were laughing and talking about a trip to the dairy farm our families took together. While I am not much on milking cows these days, I have to laugh that they took us there... Who goes on vacation to the dairy farm? Hilarious. I also spent some time with the Samples. Nell and Clarence have treasures in heaven untold but certainly present, their sweet tea, front porch swing, and loving empathetic arms come with so much faith and encouragement, that I am humbled and when I leave their presence I am always reminded of our family in Christ and a better understanding of what that authentically looks like fleshed out in real people who have endured real trials and given real glory and praise to our most REAL savior. I love Jesus more because of their handprints in my life. I have two test this week both on Tuesday; I am not stressed out at all which is wonderful. My dad and I spent some really precious time together tonight just talking a bit while getting him ready for bed. I asked him if he needed anything else, and he just said a real good hug, not the kind that you give in passing when you are running our the door, but the kind that you just hold on to the other person and don't let go. I fit perfectly under his head and I delighted in the sound of his heart beat, he is so alive and at the mercy of God's mighty hands. I was counting his breaths subconsciously realizing how many years had passed without hearing and giving God praise for that perfect soundscape. How precious and delicate and powerful is this man's life because of the life Christ has given him. Of utmost value. Priceless. My heart is so tender and sensitive these days, I cry all of the time. I mean a whole lot. I am a sucker for details, I love the small things, so much that sometimes I miss the big picture. The author of my life is writing and the descriptive details he has so carefully crafted make me accept, rejoice, laugh, cry, love, and every other raw emotion that flows from me so uncontrollably. It is freeing and not always convenient, but positively true. I love you all and I feel your love tonight. I feel the warmth of your presence and peace of your every parting prayer. Dad goes back tomorrow at 2:45pm for his next round of chemo. We will get a report in the next couple of weeks concerning how the chemo is effecting the cancer. MIRACLE. A REALLY DIVINE MIRACLE, that is what we are asking for. The sores in his mouth, though better are still bothersome to say the least. He has a rash that itches that covers his body, and also is really uncomfortable. Hopefully Dr. White can give us some tips or something to medicate that. Please pray for Dr. White, that he would have wisdom and that my dad's faith would give him great joy and an optimistic heart. I am going back to College Station in the morning. There is beauty in all of this, I pray that the Lord would continue to give us eyes to see it, hearts to be changed by it, and lives that actually feel it. sweetest dreams beloved ones.

"Cast all of your anxieties on him, because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

I am so glad that I don't have to carry these burdens, that I can literally throw them at the feet of Jesus. I have enjoyed it so much, this peace that even though I am experiencing, do not understand in the least bit. I am swimming in it and it is satisfying and calming. Why do I try to carry anything on my own? I give you full permission and am actually begging you all to remind me of these truths in times to come when my pride thinks it can handle "it" on my own. I am going home tomorrow and I rejoice in that. I was especially ready to be at home yesterday, realizing that I still had a couple of days to live and be purposeful in College Station, I put the thought of going home away because if I would have entertained the thought of it for one more second I would have skipped the rest of my classes and been home by dinner on Tuesday with my dad in the hospital. He eats at seven, or tries to eat anyways. Yesterday was rough. I called my dad around eleven in the morning and he told me that he loved me but it hurt to talk and the pain was intense, so intense that he had to get off the phone. I haven't talked to him since. Later in the afternoon in my bible lit class tears started welling up in my eyes. I was thinking, "Well sure, this would be a great time to cry, in a small class of 25 while we are in the middle of a class discussion." As many of you can relate tears seem to be elusive and nonexistent when it would be convenient to cry and yet come in abundance when it proves to be inconvenient or inappropriate. I put my head down thinking that the rush of emotions would subside along with the tears; subsiding was not in the cards though. My teacher called me out because my head was down and basically I ended up running out of class crying like a four year old. I sat and collected myself and just let the inward sadness run its course, which is healthy and glorifying to the Lord I think. Callie, a new friend and kind hearted sister in the faith, whom also is in my class, came outside and we just talked and I was able to be transparent with her. We prayed together and went back in. My teacher understood and was gracious to me; he new my intent was not to be disrespectful. I love his class and am usually extremely engaged which is probably why he sought my attention. All that to say, part of my "being okay" with being in College Station has been in at least being able to talk to my dad, and I haven't been able to. While I know you understand my sadness and my heart hurting, I have to be honest in that my hope cannot be in talking to my dad on a phone either. It must soley rest in Christ and His perfect love alone. I am learning still. The gospel has not failed me yet, but I often fail to embrace its beauty when it doesn't fit into what I call beautiful. It has been a week of feeling, good feelings, urgent feelings, sad feeling, feelings that made me laugh, and feelings that made me cry, but all perfect in his timing shaping me and molding me from the mess that I am into the full expression of who he created me to be, and I think that is beautiful. Pray for my travels tomorrow, I will get on the road around four and should make it back to Dallas around seven. I love you all very much.

Let Me Err On the Side of Belief

What a crazy weekend. Time at home, though short, proved to be so encouraging and purposeful. Dad isn't so well, still fighting with the Chemo, and thus had to be taken back to the hospital on Saturday. He is still there and we are uncertain exactly how long he will be staying at Medical City. Scott had a severe panic attack thirty minutes before Ali's grandfather's funeral and was rushed to the emergency room. He also was diagnosed with an upper respiratory infection. He is dealing with so many different things that are all demanding different parts of him, and he is tired, and drained in every possible way that a human can be. Upon receiving the news about dad, and acquiring the beautiful kind Allison as his bride to be, he essentially has jumped into the family company full throttle and in the commencement of tax season- Overwhelming to say the least. May the Lord's infinite peace and grace sustain Scott. He is doing a remarkable job at life. Also how sweet it was for Todd to be with us. I love my family; they are a haven and put me in my place, which is a good thing :) Moving on...

I am doing a bible study by Beth Moore, called Believing God, with Chelsea Adams. How perfect and intentional is the Lord, as we decided this long before my dad's latest prognosis. I have been meaning to share this with you all and it just has taken me a while to get around to it- my apologies... I am going to share a passage with you from an earlier weeks study...


Christ gave no time qualifier when He said, "Everything is possible for him who believes'" (Mark 9:23) On the subject of miracles God left so many explanations unsaid that all of us are at risk of error on how to approach them today. I can't help but think that if I err, LET ME ERR ON THE SIDE OF BELIEF. You can't loose when you earnestly seek God. Even if you don't find the answer, you find the Author.


This study has been amazing and I am falling in love with Jesus in so many new ways. She discusses many different reasons why Jesus performed miracles. Sometimes he did it to reveal his glory, because he saw great faith, because he saw great need, because He was moved with compassion, because God sovereignly appointed it, and for reasons beyond our understanding. Who knows what all the Lord's doing through this ugly disease. But I do know that He is good. I also know that I can trust him. I find myself trying to figure Him and His plan out all the time; I bet he laughs at me periodically. I end up in the same place every time... on my knees confessing that He is God and I am not and that I need him, I mean I really need him. I continue to pray and I continue to pray blessing upon you all. You are all so selfless and your faith that Christ is who he says He is humbles me and encourages me to keep believing and to keep trusting and to keep praying things that are only possible with our King.

PRAY! (Maybe some of you all prefer my request in list form, I really like list.)
*COMPLETE REMOVAL OF EVERY CANCEROUS CELL IN MY DAD'S BODY (if you think I am crazy that is fine by me... I pray that the Lord would increase your faith as he continues to strengthen mine regarding his ability to do whatever He wills and pleases.)
*The sores in my dad's mouth have shown no signs of healing, I wish you all could see them because I don't think that this sentence does justice to how painful and well just annoying they are.
*That the chemo is working
*His white blood cell count is too low.
*That Todd would have a safe flight tomorrow back to Lubbock.
*For my mom's sanity and peace of mind. She is so amazing and pray for continued renewal of strength
*My dad's mom is back and staying with us for a long while
*Please pray for hard working Scotty. He is doing so well and needs the Lord's encouragement and true peace every day. He is such a blessing to our family and a good laugh when we all need one! (I love you bubby)
*That the Lord would continue to remind me of His goodness, that I wouldn't miss it in the daily details that he so carefully speaks to me in, conversations, rain, old friends, new friends struggling with totally different life things but depending on the same faithful father, and in good meals with even better room mates. I love you all XOXOXOXOXO (take the hugs and kisses as appropriate, they are gender sensitive...hehehe I am a dork!)

Keep on Keeping On

Katie McNeill sent me a care package to my home in Rockwall. It was the perfect touch at the perfect time. Thank you for that bug. Well, I came home on Thursday but will be leaving tomorrow due to some necessary restoration and fun. Katie and I have a date in College Station. I love being here. I know that you all know this but I just can't help but telling you all over and over; it is so soothing and full of comfort. Todd made it safely and actually doesn't fly out until Tuesday. Little Toddy feels so removed from all of this because he can't be here as much as the rest of us. I hate that for him. He is so strong and I am so proud of him. He has nine hours left in grad-school and is quickly finishing those up only to come back to Rockwall and work. I love Todd so much. His heart is so tender and I see so much of my dad in him. I am sleepy again... I think I am always sleepy when I talk to you guys. Know that I am only referring to my physical entity. My brain, emotions,and love life with Christ are OH SO AWAKE!!! Scotty is in Midland for Ali's grandfather's funeral and will be driving a whole lot on Sunday. He goes from Midland to Lubbock, where he will be collecting my grandmother, and then driving all the way back to Rockwall. EEEK! Please pray for his safety. My didi is well. The copious amounts of medicine and all of their fun side effects make for some interesting comments, thoughts, and feelings. We just have to laugh some times. He had a really long day, the hardest one since he has been out of the hospital. The sores in his mouth are really bad. They keep him from eating and that is a problem. He also can't really keep anything in his system. His red blood cell count is good, due to the blood transfusion he received last week (THANKS for all of you blood donating people, I feel more responsible for giving my healthy and happy blood thinking about all of the different things it does!) However his white blood cell's are extremely low, these are his blood cell's that will enable his body to fight off germs, viruses, etc... It is crucial that his white blood cell count goes up! Also, he has his third round of chemo on Monday. His body is weak so we continue to pray for his strength. Our tentative plan is to get him on some home health care stuff starting tomorrow. He needs fluids and nutrients in his body. I took him to have his lab work done and he was just completely spent from the event. My family's faith is growing, every single one of us. How redeeming is that? Very. His kindness and goodness are unpredictable and perfect. He has lavished his love and peace upon us and it is a good place to be. Good and painful. Oh how I love you all, and I know this journey is so long and some of you may be growing weary in praying but keep on keeping on... Our Father in Heaven hears his little one's cries and he delights in persistent prayers, when we regularly cry out to him, adoring him, and confessing the truth that he knows far more than we do, that we need him so badly. May his peace that surpasses all of your understanding guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus... sweetest dreams loved ones

My Dad came home

The title really says it all. My dad came home today. They tried out a different antibiotic for his mouth and we think it is working! The Lord gave me many comforting truths today but I will share them with you all later! He is so good to me. Love you all, be careful in the rain.

He Knows What He Is Doing

"You rule the swelling of the sea; when it's waves rise, you still them."

-Psalm 89:9

I just love that verse. We worship a God that controls all things, the things we call small and the things we call big. My classes got canceled today which really frustrated me because I could have stayed at home for another night, but then I would have missed out on coffee with Shannon. Shannon is a good friend of mine, and her love overflows and poured into my heart tonight. When Katie called to tell me my class was canceled I was only about forty-five minutes away from College Station, thus it would have been very silly to turn around at that point, and the Lord had something different for me tonight than the hospital and home. Haley came to visit today, which is always so refreshing; she is so honest and transparency in a person is refreshing. Sometimes I can feel her praying for me. I also went to chapter tonight and got to be vulnerable with all of the girls, telling the situation and asking for their continued love and prayers. I felt so strengthened just sitting in their company. Chelsea believes in miracles more than anyone else I know. I mean she really believes in the Lord's all surpassing power never swayed by statistics or the "impossible". She is a significant reminder of God's faithfulness in my life, the ABSOLUTE TRUTH that he knows nothing else but faithfulness. My dad was suppose to come home today but because of the sores in his mouth they have decided to keep him. You know when you get strep throat and those little white pockets of puss are in your throat,(that was really descriptive sorry if that offended you) those are all in his mouth and throat. The medicine they have been using has proven to be unsuccessful and they will not send him home until they can find something to alleviate the pain and heal the sores. They are prone to cause infection and my dad can't have an infection right now. His mom flew home today and was deeply saddened. Continue to pray for her strength. My mom, grandmother, and myself sat in the kitchen last night just laughing and telling stories about when they were younger. It was good. Laughing really is medicine for the soul. Scott's fiance, Allison, is dealing with he loss of her grandfather who passed away due to acute liver failure on Saturday. Scott will be going to Midland to be with her and her family for the funeral. In the midst of a whole lot of work and a lot of life right now I am certain he must feel overwhelmed. Please pray for his presence to bring comfort to sweet Allison and that He would not feel worried or stressed out about work. I pray for his brain daily now, these boys in my family and their accounting- YIKES! Todd will be flying home this weekend and staying through Monday. Also please pray for traveling mercies consistently on our behalf. I feel like we Hooper's, are everywhere every weekend. When I say "Thank you for praying" I wish I could convey the depths of my gratitude. You all are selfless and loving and are the church being the body of Christ. I love the Lord and I feel HIS presence in each and every one of you. There is something so beautiful about all of this, don't you think?!

-Sweetest dreams, blessings, and peace.