Psalm 39 :2-8 "I was stone silent; I held back the urge to speak. My frustration grew; my anxiety intensified. As I thought about it, I became impatient. Finally I spoke these words; 'O Lord, help me understand my mortality and the brevity of life! Let me realize how quickly my life will pass! Look, you make my life short-lived, and my life span is nothing from your perspective. Surely all people, even those who SEEM secure, are nothing but vapor. Surely people go through life as mere ghosts. Surely they accumulate worthless wealth without knowing who will haul it away.' BUT NOW, O SOVEREIGN MASTER, UPON WHAT AM I RELYING? YOU ARE MY ONLY HOPE!"
Have you ever sat down and planned one of your parents funeral or picked out their headstone? Some of you may have. As we all sat in the living room this morning discussing the ceremony I kind of had an out of body experience. Three and a half years ago I was frolicking through the halls of my highschool with my greatest concern being what just happened in cheerleading. My, how times have changed. We are tying up the last of the loose ends for the just in case and putting in all away in a drawer, not to be touched until that day comes. The optimistic youth in me relentlessly refuses to mourn my dad's death while he is still alive. I will save that for the day the Lord and he are walking on streets of gold. I am really going to like heaven; I will finally get to live my wine taste on much more than a beer budget! (I mean really... If you can't laugh then what can you do?) Even in the living room this morning I was encouraged to pray for healing. I am not in denial, or being unrealistic; some of you may think that. Let me tell you a story pastor Steve told us one Sunday morning. There was a man that was having a hard time giving the full 10% of his gifts to the church and so he sat down with the pastor and confessed his problem. The pastor said to the man, "Let's make a deal." You, at the beginning of the month give your 10%, and whatever expenses or bills that still need to be paid, that you don't have enough to cover, I will personally pay." The man kind of pondered it for a second and than agreed. The pastor then said, "Okay because I gave you my word, I am going to carry through with what I have promised you, but I have one question for you... Why are you so willing to trust in man, whose resources are limited, than you are to trust in God, whose resources are ENDLESS?" Even as I write this, I am so convicted. Do we not do this all the time? This story reminds me of where my hope should be, in the CREATOR not his creations... Not in a doctor or a parent or treatment but in the one gave me the breath I just breathed. I see so CLEARLY now that our lives are just not about us. Not one penny of all of the money in the world, or admiration from those around us, or a perfect physical body will sit with me on judgment day. Nope just me and God and every hidden thing, good and evil exposed once and for all. Oh and his grace, how perfect and satisfying it truly is and how much sweeter will it even be on that day. I want to challenge you all, and for you all to continue to challenge me, to live lives that have purpose and meaning for an everlasting eternal home that will never perish, spoil, or fade. Do you believe it? Do you really believe it? Do you believe in a life that has no end and a perfect heavenly father who sent the only perfect sacrifice. I love the Lord and the good gifts he has given me, even though his goodness is NOT contingent on these good things. I loved the gift of looking at the stars with my dad when we lived out in the country, I was so young. He would grill and I would play and I can still remember the way looked at me, it was almost as if he could actually see me growing and every second he wanted to capture that new little girl. I love the way he calls me, "baby girl", and the way his voice echoes in my head, "Hello, little family, as he would enter the front door." It is so personal the way the Lord loves me, and he knew just how to show me his love, through a man that loved me in all of the small things and in all of the big things. Let us live today as an overflow expression of the joy, love, and redemptive work of Christ Jesus that he has put into our hearts.
* Monday is the day... Dad starts treatment, and PRAISE GOD, he will be an outpatient- NO HOSPITAL!!! His body has not responded to any of the radiation or the chemo thus far. PRAY PRAY PRAY! Dr. White will be administering the chemo and is excited about the possibilities. Maybe this chemo will be the hand the Lord will use to heal?!
*Dad is eating a little bit better, yesterday Alison and I brought him tamales, guacamole salad, beans, Chile con carne, and fresh flour tortillas from El Trevinos and he ate a lot and said that he REALLY enjoyed it! WE REJOICE IN THE LORD HEARING OUR PRAYERS!!! That is the first meal I have seen my dad really eat and enjoy in a long time. Bertha and Louis are so kind at the restaurant, may the Lord bless their generous hearts, what humble givers they are.
*Sleep, well we could all use a little more, but we are getting by!
*Todd is home and feeling much better. His professor has been awesome and allowed his test to be postponed until Tuesday.
We give all praise, glory, and honor the King! Lord, we praise you for your outstretched hand and your unfailing love. You are enough!
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