Back to the Real World

My eyes were puffy, having cried the whole way back to College Station. Life doesn't stop and here I am. Scott is working hard and Todd drove back to Lubbock today. This was the first night that my mom stayed home alone. I prayed and am praying even now that she feels peace and comfort in our Jesus. Pam is next door, Mia (the dog) is in her bed, and Paula and Bobbie are down the street. If she needs a tangible touch I am confident they will be there. Aren't true friends huge blessings? YES! I am going to be able to manage my school fine. The Lord knows what he is doing and the details of what I have missed are falling into place perfectly. I get to be diligent and purposeful here for two more days and will be going home on Thursday! I can hardly wait. I am sad. I miss my dad. My life as I have only known it for the last 21 years will never be the same. My dad isn't sad at all. Who knows what that complete healed creation is doing right now? I don't know but I can dream in vivid colors and imagine the impossible. He is loving His Jesus and cannot wait for me to join him. My God is real. I love you all and will write soon! Sweetest dreams!

Evidence

It is evident that Christ is not only real but that he truly cares about me (and you and all of his creations). I am walking through the hardest time in my life and yet his grace increases, as is his strength. I have dreams and they aren't bad but definitely a reflection of what is going on in my life. I think I have dreamed about my dad every night for the last week. They aren't even sad dreams but more so just dreams that he is in. Two night ago I gave him a sponge bath while he was in his little hospital robe. He used to love those because he always felt gross in the hospital and the warm sponges were delightful to the touch. Last night he wrote me a letter and I got it in the mail after he had already passed away. My mom tried to tell me if must not be from him and everyone told me that I was crazy, but I just knew it was real and so I hid my letter and for some reason I thought it was completely normal for him to have sent me a letter from heaven. I miss him. Mom and I keep getting stuff in the mail for him, and I had ordered these tables about a month ago so my dad wouldn't have to come down stairs to eat and they just got here last week. It still doesn't seem completely real. Pretty standard textbook emotions, but new to me none the less. My mom and I have just been hanging out. She is my best friend. We watched funny girl last night with Barbara Streisand and we are dying each other's roots tonight. Hers are gray and mine are blonde... don't tell her I said that or she will kill me, hehehe. Please pray for my mom; there are so many responsibilities that were so nicely handed to her upon my dad's departure and consequently some of those things are the last things you want to deal with, on top of dealing with the loss of a loved one. I think that is one of the wierdest things... these reeling emotions don't ever stop. You feel like everyone should know how your heart hurts, even that random guy who cut you off on the highway, and all of your bills should stop coming for at least two months. You should be exempt from life while dealing with the loss of a life. All of the people's taxes that my brother, Carrie, and Linda are doing shouldn't be due until June 15th. That is clearly not the Utopia we live in. Life keeps going and we press on by means of our Jesus. I love you all and thank you for your continued prayers and support, as we still miss our best friend, daddy, husband, and head of the household.

Restless Tonight

Psalm 29:11 "The LORD gives strength to his people;

the LORD blesses his people with peace."

I am so tired but I can't sleep. I suppose this is normal in dealing with post death, but pretty new to me none the less. It is three in the morning and I have been tossing and turning for the last hour and a half. Thinking. My mind is just racing, not bad thoughts but a million of them. I think about heaven, God, my dad actually literally being there and not here, my mom, my brothers, I pray. I wait for calm but all I get is more thoughts. I went down stairs and got some water and then proceeded to find myself at my computer trying to pass this sleepless night. This is the most human I have felt during this whole ordeal...I know what you all are thinking, you ARE a human so that would be natural for you to feel human. Thank you, you have solved all of my problems. As well as my soul is I still dwell in this earthly body that isn't always at rest. I am a broken vessel with a Holy Spirit. What a paradox. It is similar to the meaning of Emanuel... "God with US". Now that is something that my mind could really go in circles with. Today was a great day, with another twenty-four hours of sobering truths, laughs, cries, sorrows, and joys. This messy life could only be made beautiful by way of our sweet Jesus, but because of him it truly is. There is beauty in him using me (the broken vessel that I am), there is beauty in life, and there is even beauty in death. Perhaps death is the most beautiful thing in life, ending our separation and shortcomings leading us to the very face of our Savior. Time hasn't for a second stopped or stood still even though I have from time to time. Can you believe that it has already been over a week since my precious daddy went to be with Jesus? I cannot. I was reading the 2 Corinthians passage that I shared at the funeral and thinking about the part that states that we always carry around in our bodies the death of Jesus and that is how I feel about my dad too. Even when I am laughing and having a good time it is still there, this hole in my heart, a missing puzzle piece. I am satisfied with Jesus it isn't a hole like that but more so just a piece that has been there ever since I have known this world and it was removed from my picture, or maybe his departure was another piece added in all actuality and it just feels like it is missing. Whatever all of this is, it is nothing I have ever felt before. Listen to me try to explain away my every raw emotion and feeling. You will have to forgive me; I do this sometimes. I am not in the least bit sleepy, even after I wrote...hmmmm that is usually a sure recipe for me to find my sleepy self again but I guess not tonight. I shall go sit with these feelings and pray. Sweetest dreams loved ones and I pray blessings over all of your sleep, because hopefully that is what you all are doing. XOXOXOXO.

Cute little daddy, It dawned on me that many of you who, had prayed so diligently for the man, had never seen him or met him.
Posted by Hello

This is my daddy, and the way I will forever remember him
Posted by Hello

Happy Belated Birthday

Psalm 145: 8-9 "The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. (9)The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made."

As I finished writing yesterday, I accidentally deleted the entire entry...that's technology for you. I opted to let it go and pick it back up tomorrow. Yesterday was my daddy's 55th birthday. The day we got home from the hospital, the day of his departure, McKelvey, a family friend in the fifth grade, looked up at me and kind of smiled. She said, "It's kind of cool that he died close to his birthday, well maybe not cool, but this will be his first birthday in heaven. I am sure they will have a cake, he won't need the cake but I bet if he wanted one Jesus would make him a really good one." I pray every day that the Lord would hand me over to the child within me's faith, it is so much greater than this grown up shell I live in. The noises have subsided, the people are gone, our house looks like an arboretum (it smells like one too), and this fading world continues to spin around us. Different. Nothing is quite the same, as was to be expected. My dad's notice to renew his driver's license came in the mail two days ago, and his home health care called to confirm an appointment for the following day. I suppose they didn't get the memo or read the paper. We all kind of go in cycles: laughing, crying, cleaning, eating (and then we start over). The Lord has proven to be so faithful in giving His peace, His protection, and His presence in the days past as I am confident He will continue too in the days to come. As it is all still setting in, the sobering reality of heaven and hell are too. Heaven is a real place. Our God is a real God. He is just as real in the moments that I "feel" Him as He is in the moments that I don't. He is as certain as the air we breathe. There is nothing more real or certain than Him. I am always comforted when I think about this truth, and my dad is believing it and living it in a whole new way. Amazing. The blessing that Jesus gives in Matthew, "Blessed are those who have not seen and yet still believe," no longer includes him. He has SEEN and is SEEING in this very second. What am I doing today that would further me in this world rather than the inevitable real one to come? My prayer would be that we would "fix our eyes, not on what is seen, but on what is unseen; for what is seen is temporary and what is unseen is eternal." I love you all more then I ever could begin to convey. Please continue to pray for my family, as these new days have new joys, struggles, and hurts all their own. God is good. Blessings family...

Directions and Details

***WARNING*** The church only holds approximately 600 people and I feel as though if you don't get to the church pretty early, then you will be standing outside ... luckily for me, I will have a reserved seat or I would be standing in the parking lot too because I would surely run late (hehehehe) Love you all and am grateful for your prayers today, as always... blessings


From College Station:

-I take 190E to Madisonville to get on 45
-Travel 45 North for about an hour and a half
-Exit 20 East towards Shreveport
-20 will eventually turn into 635
-You will next exit 30 East

(to the funeral home for the viewing)
-30 East will take you into Rockwall, you will pass the lake over two bridges
-Continue on 30 until you see the exit 549 (you will see an enourmous Love's gas station)
-when you exit the road will kind of weave and you will have to go straight or right, GO RIGHT and stop at the light
-Next turn left over the overpass
-You will go through the light and over the railroad tracks.
-And you will come to a stop light where you will turn LEFT on (66-don't think its labeled, just know it is at the second light you see and there is a vet clinic on your left)
- The Rest Haven Funeral Home (the chapel part) is on your right no more than a quarter of a mile down the road

***TO THE CHURCH***
-you are traveling on 30 East
-exit on Ridge Road.
-You will then turn left under the bridge onto Ridge Road
-You will travel on Ridge unitl you see Yellowjacket lane, TURN RIGHT onto Yellowjacket lane
-you will see the highschool on your right...keep going, there will be a stop light...go throught he stop light
-The First United Methodist Church is on your left

a legacy left and a man worth celebrating

We will be honoring and celebrating my dad's fifty-four years of life on Saturday, March 5, 2005 at 11:00am at the First United Methodist Church in Rockwall Texas. The viewing is tomorrow, Friday, from 6:00-8:00pm at Rest Haven Funeral Home. Love you and feel you all, Kimmy

At Home At Last

Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Tommy Jack Hooper (March 7, 1950 - March 2, 2005)

He is living what I am living for... I long to be at home with both of my fathers, earthly and heavenly. He went peacefully and perfectly. I am certain that God is here and I am also certain that there will not be a day that goes by that I won't wish he was still on this earth with me. He is truly the greatest man I have ever known or loved. He is everywhere: he is in my house, in the way that I am a control-freak, in the way that I like things clean, in the way I say yes mam and no sir to everyone, in the way that I vote (conservatively and republican), in the way my brothers look and look at me, and most importantly he is in my heart. I love him. I want you all to be more than encouraged. Our heavenly father is a forever FAITHFUL one. He has healed my dad in the only way we all can truly be healed, with him, in the place he went to prepare for us. I have never known such peace or grace, or felt such love. I am going to be with my family now, I will let you all know when we get details about the funeral. We are trying for Saturday, probably around 11:00am at the First United Methodist church. Things are still pending and I will let you know the for sure time and place as we know. I love you all more than you know... may God's peace and rule your hearts...love you

John 12:1-4 "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going."

Rest in the Waiting Room

Matthew 5:1-9 "(1)Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, (2)and he began to teach them saying: (3)Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. (4)Blessed are those who mourn,
for they WILL BE COMFORTED. (5)Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth. (6)Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they WILL BE FILLED. (7)Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy. (8)Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God. (9)Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God."

Filled I am. I can't even begin to articulate the peace that is flowing through me, but in time I would love to share more of that with you. I am comforted. Dr. White feels until his organs start shutting down, there is still a tiny bit of "hope". That isn't hope to me, hope to me is something so much more pure than what a doctor sees. Last night I spoke my peace with my daddy, even though I didn't have anything to say to him that I haven't already said to him a million times over my lifetime and our time together in the previous months. As I was sitting with him last night, I experienced my heavenly Father in a way I never have. The only way I know how to describe it is it was like a shot you receive from a doctor, an actual feeling spread throughout my body and I could feel it in the depths of my soul. Peace that surpasses understanding, the kind that really can't be made sense of. Dad's kidney since this morning, might possibly be quitting. He isn't producing very much urine. We wait. It could quite possibly come down to us making a decision, and I hope we don't have to. My prayer is one of urgency. I pray that the Lord would do whatever He wants to do and do it fast. My daddy is so precious and I told him as long as he was still kicking and fighting I wouldn't stop praying and hoping; I want him to know that he isn't alone and that we haven't given up on him. I ask the same of you and thank you in advance again for your diligence in praying. If is kidneys shut down today might be the best day of his life, but if they don't we will wait with our precious daddy. My mom is doing well today; I am in awe of the beauty of her strength- what great people I have all around me to be molded by. My mom got a hotel room next door to the hotel, and I pried myself away from my pride and stubbornness, and slept there last night. I even took a shower. I slept until 10:30am. It was much needed. Rest easy loved ones, for the Lord is taking, has taken, and will continue to take care of his little Hoopers. Love you all tons and bunches! XOXOXOXO

Come thou Long Expected Jesus

We just talked to the doctor, Dr. Wait. Dad's counts have shown no sign of improvement and if anything else are a little worse. No platelets or white blood cells. He will die unless his body starts producing them. They are giving him a drip, Nupagen, that is supposed to stimulate his bone marrow and make it reproduce white cells quickly. His body has not responded at all. The chemo eats them away just as fast as they enter his body. This afternoon they will be taking him to another floor for a CT scan. They wanted to put contrast (dye) in his stomach but his body would not be able to endure this. Instead they are just going to do the scan and hope to see something. Even if they find stuff in his brain, chest, or stomach they won't be able to do anything to help him; it would most likely require a procedure or surgery and he wouldn't make it. That is, unless it is something they can treat with anti-biotics. His GI tract isn't moving and bacterias will soon start seeping out of it into his bloodstream; these become toxic and will also kill him. Indeed, only a miracle will save his little body. I told him today that if he was going home, if he could please take me with him. I want to go and be with Jesus so very badly. I have not given up and will continue to be hopeful. After all "faith is the substance of things HOPED for, the evidence of things UNSEEN. What is seen is death and what is unseen is the possibility that the Lord will do what only he can do and deliver him from this disease. The other present fact is that, we are only treating symptoms of shock right now, not dealing with the actual cancer itself, and we can barely keep him somewhat stable. They had to use the paddles on him when they put him on the life support, which was expected because his body was trying to push air out of him but now that he is semi-stable we have decided to let him go peacefully , if his body shuts down again . Be encouraged, this is not me quitting, more so stating some facts and acknowledging what we have been praying for this entire time, that our God is a miraculous God, one fully capable of healing and bringing the world unto himself. He is holding my dad's life and my heart so very tightly. Please pray for his strength, his white blood cells, his fragile life, and that God would do the conceptually impossible. I love you all and am overwhelmed by your faithfulness to our family in Christ. May the Lord's hand comfort you all and bless your fruitful prayers, your labor is not in vain. We will know more later this afternoon, probably around five or six; I will let you all know. Blessings ....