Paint by Number

Tori, my next door neighbor and dear friend, and I have something in common. We are both living with the absence of our earthly fathers. She popped over this evening just to have a little chat, and inquired about how I am doing. She looked at me with piercing eyes and said, "It's real." She knows. She knows that grieving is this actual thing that you have to do, and that she still does. She knows that it hurts. She knows that when all those around you have forgotten you still remember. It all becomes so vivid in my brain and vivid in my heart. The colors of love and pain and sorrow and joy all run together making the most unique sight on this once desolate canvas. The painter is painting a picture and right now it kind of feels like a big messy swirl, but I anticipate the finished framed masterpiece. For I rest assure that each color and stroke used are intentional and not by accident. I also acknowledge that sometimes I don't have eyes to see true art. I would rather look at a paint by number with all the spaces filled in just so, than something I don't understand. Abstract art is so interesting to me because I have to confess I don't always "get it" and if I am going to paint something I want it to be universally understood and to convey such obvious emotions. However some emotions are not all that obvious and too are complicated by a number of reasons and circumstances. I also get a kick out of Rothko... His work kind of reminds me of when I was little at restaraunts. I would get markers and make a big dot and then dispense a small drop of water onto the spot so it would bleed into the color next to it. And he is making money off of my napkin design from my childhood. Bottom line we all have a story, we all have a "blue period" (some have lots), we all change textures and shapes, and we mature as the Skilled one pushes the boundaries of what has been done, what isn't understood, and the expected as well as the unexpected. His work is better than mine. I would rather be remembered for His work than my fingerpainting. I find comfort in his craft and his perfection.

*Todd has a test today at 4:00pm (A BIG ONE) pray pray pray
*My family is doing well... you all are AMAZING!
all my love...