tis the season

I adore Christmas. It is just happy to me. My marmee does the most incredible job of decorating our house and making it undeniably the warmest corner in the world that I have found to date, during the holiday seasons. I can’t get enough of the smells that flood me as soon as I cross the threshold at the front door: taco soup, turkey dressing, a fire burning, a Yankee “Home for the Holiday” scented candle, chocolate cake… delicious. This was the third Christmas without my sweet daddy and it will never be the same without him. I don’t expect it to be and lying that expectation down has enabled enjoyment during these special times that I wasn’t sure would ever return to me. Chris’ family treated us to a carriage ride through Highland Park, and it was so fun to be bundled up with Chris parents and grandparents. It was just sweet. We had several Christmas parties, old friends, new friends, and a million thoughts that accompany each gathering. I think the most reoccurring thought that kept replaying in my mind is how life mirrors that of a revolving door, our lifespan but a mere vapor. Though my dad’s stocking still hangs next to ours he is not at the head of the table or playing Santa with my mom, there are new people in the mix; the dining room table is actually insufficient for our growing numbers. She fills the stocking by herself now (which is really nice of you marmee) but she fills an additional one for my precious sister in-law, Tamara. There are new gifts and names under the tree.There is Lauren, Todd’s girlfriend, who feels so comfortable and inviting that I forget that she has only been here for 6 months. There is Chris, who is my best friend. I can’t believe I get to have my best friend at all of my holiday events. It is like having your own team and admirer during family time. He is my love. The Lord gives and He takes away, and His portion of grace is ALWAYS sufficient during both renderings. One person’s presence doesn’t take the place of another, nor does it cancel out all of the pain, but I am grateful that there are new joys that accompany the forever sadness of loss that is now my normal. Sadness is not the total covering, nor is it forgotten, more like one of the visitors coming to Christmas. I visit with it quite a bit but not the whole time. There was newness, laughter, and hope this year. I am just now getting back in the swing of things for work. It apparently takes me about a week and a half to assimilate back into the daily regimen of work.

Just grateful,
k