a little hope. see ... it's growing.

a little hope. see ... it's growing., originally uploaded by ephesians3kh2.

There is something that has happened in my life: before I was twenty, before I had trouble sleeping, before love had ever been broken. Like your first taste of pain that comes with the loss of a great love, or your first real bout with failure. I use to cling to the understanding that God's goodness was the manifestation of a million comfortable pieces that rested near my feet. This carried me through most of my child hood (the formative years) right into my younger adolescent days. It wasn't that the things I called "blessing" weren't necessarily, but my understanding of who God was and the worship I could offer him was all very limited, and very me centered. And so it is, a young girl's eyes start to see the world, parts of it she never wanted to see, parts that were dark, parts that were sick, parts that made her cry. How could this be, her God was good? Surely the same God that put fruit roll ups in her lunch box and let her win a ribbon on field day would spare some "blessings" for those other kids? Well, of course the Lord, through a gradual refining process that has truly utilized and lived in the grace that the cross holds up in my defense, redefined his GOODNESS. He is good because He is perfect. He is good because of the cross. If I never got to speak to him or even speak his name He would still be most worthy of my praise. He is good without any thing I call good. And yet HE is even more than that. He is my most intimate confidant, a friend, a Father to the fatherless, and a love that knows no breaking condition. He gives me the greatest gift of all. He gives me hope. He gives me hope when there is no fruit roll up in my lunch box and when I come in last place at the field day race. He gives me hope that has nothing to do with temporal things. He gives me hope through the gift and promise of His son. Too good to be true. This is liberating and not a new understanding of who I have come to know Him in the last few years, but it sure does feel good to get lost in it for a while.
So where does one stand when hope and reality collide? We don't have to wait for the dawn to break, for the storm to pass, or for our words to come out right. We hope in the Lord and we trust that he wouldn't waste the cross in any situation. This is how we walk confidently; this is how we move forward. This is how when we don't have eyes to see, we still have feet that take steps (even if they're small). There is something to knowing. There is a peace that settles deep within our souls when fear and insecurity have been replaced with hope. Hope is like a green pasture that invites one to come run and play. Hope doesn't take away desire or wonder, if anything it only stirs that which is within us. And when our desires and wants go unmet we still have joyous hope in the salvation of the Lord. That is what we know, and it is enough to keep us coming back for more. It is what drives out our fears. It is what allows a heart with scars to open again after it swore it never would. It allows us to make mistakes and humbly receive grace. It gives us the courage to say the words that we would rather tuck away and hide, words that unravel our hearts and expose our inmost feelings. It is what holds our hand down the road of grief of losing people before we were ready, no matter how deeply the pain seems to have penetrated. In the water knee deep all the way to the depths of our hearts, the places we dare not go… there hope is: Living, Inviting, Challenging, Waiting, and Wanting us to live again.