tis the season

I adore Christmas. It is just happy to me. My marmee does the most incredible job of decorating our house and making it undeniably the warmest corner in the world that I have found to date, during the holiday seasons. I can’t get enough of the smells that flood me as soon as I cross the threshold at the front door: taco soup, turkey dressing, a fire burning, a Yankee “Home for the Holiday” scented candle, chocolate cake… delicious. This was the third Christmas without my sweet daddy and it will never be the same without him. I don’t expect it to be and lying that expectation down has enabled enjoyment during these special times that I wasn’t sure would ever return to me. Chris’ family treated us to a carriage ride through Highland Park, and it was so fun to be bundled up with Chris parents and grandparents. It was just sweet. We had several Christmas parties, old friends, new friends, and a million thoughts that accompany each gathering. I think the most reoccurring thought that kept replaying in my mind is how life mirrors that of a revolving door, our lifespan but a mere vapor. Though my dad’s stocking still hangs next to ours he is not at the head of the table or playing Santa with my mom, there are new people in the mix; the dining room table is actually insufficient for our growing numbers. She fills the stocking by herself now (which is really nice of you marmee) but she fills an additional one for my precious sister in-law, Tamara. There are new gifts and names under the tree.There is Lauren, Todd’s girlfriend, who feels so comfortable and inviting that I forget that she has only been here for 6 months. There is Chris, who is my best friend. I can’t believe I get to have my best friend at all of my holiday events. It is like having your own team and admirer during family time. He is my love. The Lord gives and He takes away, and His portion of grace is ALWAYS sufficient during both renderings. One person’s presence doesn’t take the place of another, nor does it cancel out all of the pain, but I am grateful that there are new joys that accompany the forever sadness of loss that is now my normal. Sadness is not the total covering, nor is it forgotten, more like one of the visitors coming to Christmas. I visit with it quite a bit but not the whole time. There was newness, laughter, and hope this year. I am just now getting back in the swing of things for work. It apparently takes me about a week and a half to assimilate back into the daily regimen of work.

Just grateful,
k

Many moons later...

It has been too long; I know! You should find my absence as a good sign. It means that there are a few less voices running around crazy in my mind, thus I don't feel the immediate need to drain my brain. I have been working for the same company now for over one year, defying the noncommittal ways of my generation and actually enjoying my professional life.
The two immediate women over me are some of the most beautiful women I have ever known. They are fighters, the good kind of fighters. They fight for their families, for their Jesus, for righteousness, and the millions of seemingly small choices that actually make up our entire lives. I literally pray every day on the way to work, "Lord let me soak it up. Please don't let me miss one single morsel of wisdom that they breathe in and out all day long." The Lord has given me real allies and friendships at work. I am just so grateful. After having lived by myself for six months upon returning to Dallas in 2006, I decided to move to downtown Dallas with a bunch of my girl friends from school. I now am sharing a three-bedroom apartment with 5 other girls. That wasn't a typo. THATS RIGHT SIX GIRLS IN A THREE BEDROOM apartment. It is hysterical, glorious, full of laughter, and other certain times of the month full of tears. It is sanctifying and makes my heart glad. I commute to Denton every single day and am trying to be productive in my car. Maybe one day my French will be completely fluent because of the copious hours I will have spent in the car. I would be lying if I didn't say that I wish terribly for a metro ride to work. Which brings me to my next adventure... Sweden and back to London. My boyfriend, who is the same wonderful man, since the last time I wrote, was working on music stuff in Stockholm. He was holed up in the studio and I got to take almost two entire weeks off from work to play. I got to see Anna, my friend from the Sorbonne in Paris. She is truly a delight. I already feel selfish in our friendship because she speaks beautiful English and I can only recall three Swedish words even after having been there (mouse- mus * to kiss - pus * Nej-No). Oh and Tak (sp?), which is Thank you. I woke up after getting to her house and she had bought American bread and toasted it in addition to the normal Swedish breakfast. Anna is thoughtful and I am always left wanting more time with her. Chris' friend Scott lives in London and it was so nice to spend time with he and his girlfriend Natalie. We went to the theater; London's theater is magical.
Mary Poppins was so incredible. Basically, Chris had tears in his eyes and I was uncontrollably weeping. We also saw Les Mes. We forewent Cambridge this go round and spent time in Oxford, which was so romantical. All in all I feel certain that I am undeserving of these adventures. I feel alive in a way that I cannot explain when I travel outside of all my American ways and comforts.
I love my home country and wouldn't have wanted to be born anywhere else in the world but it sure is enlightening to see it all done a different way where walking isn’t considered exercise and good food doesn’t entail a combo number.

The Recap in list form:
1) the studio in Stockholm where Chris had been recording, and the time spent with Peer (Swedish producer) and his precious family
2) Mary Poppins the play will help shape the way I raise my hypothetical unborn children
3) Oxford will make you want to learn something new
4) I finished the 7th & final Harry Potter ;-)
5) The leaves in Stockholm were changing colors, boasting the most brilliant reds, yellows, and oranges that I have ever seen
6) Cachao & primrose hill
7) Vacation means so much more when you start working and I like it.

Happy Thanksgiving week,
K

London- quite lovely and proper

What a charming city. It was truly bizarre to be around so many English-speaking people again. I kept finding myself having to fight not to say “hello” or “excuse me” and all of the other little phrases that occur in tiny interactions in French. Due to the London terrorist attempt our flight got cancelled into London. This forced Chris and I to take the Chunnel, which was AWESOME. Trains trump airplanes. I am just saying. The countryside was breathtaking and my company was equally pleasant. We stayed with one of Chris’ friends from high school named Scott Sage. He and his fellow flat-mates were accommodating, warm, and kind. We could not have arranged something more perfect. Their flat is located right next to Primrose Hill, which is one of the most unbelievable sights that I have ever taken in. London entailed a day at parliament, West Minster, Big Ben, Notting Hill, Kensington Gardens, Primrose Hill, good food, The Lion King at Lyceum Theater, and the tube. I am also reading Harry Potter for the first time ever, which just felt so right being there! I am only on book two and I adore these tall tales. Imagination is so healthy and fun. Chris (the very cute gentlemen in the pictures with me is the boyfriend from America for those who have been thinking that I found a Swedish foreign love). He came and played with me for ten whole days. I don't think I clarified what we actually did In Paris so here is a small recap... Paris looked like the Eiffel tower, some delicious meals, a home cooked meal, a lot of rain, Euro Disney (which WAS AWESOME), a lot of walking, and a movie on the Champs Elysee. Okay back to London now; I would have to say my favorite thing we did was a day trip to Cambridge. We ate at a small place called Cachao in Primrose Hill (Chicken Pesto Panini’s and delicious coffee to go) and then took a train. We just walked around aimlessly, found King’s College and a park bench. I just felt more intelligent sitting near these ancient institutes of learning. Actually I felt less intelligent and wanted to go home and study my books. Neither here nor there. We ate dinner on the river had a couple of beers shared some dish that resembled chicken pot -pie and then braved our punting skills. I have to say that the punting stick weighed about half of me and since I have the upper body strength of a feeble mouse I let Chris do most of the manual labor. I did try though, which produced a rather comical video clip. I ran into another boat. The day was endearing and felt a little enchanted… we could see the willow trees that frame the river, the beautiful college campus, and the gardens all from our little boat. I cannot remember laughing that much in a concentrated amount of time in years (that was year(s) with an “s” hence plural- multiple years) It was good for my heart. The Lion King was kind of life-changing, bold claim I know, but really if you ever have the chance to go to London, Cambridge and the Lion King are my recommended “must”.
Love love….

mon un petit amis et Paris

Paris continues to amaze me with its splendor and beauty. It is just so big. I feel quite certain that two and a half months away from the world I know has been good for my soul in more ways than one. McDonald's and Starbucks and the occasional English spoken conversation are the only pieces of America that are in my grips. I miss my church family and I miss the people that the Lord has blessed my life with. There is not a day that goes by that I don't see something or hear something and wish I could share it with any one of you. All that to say... time away to simply sit and sift through the wreckage of the last year and a half has been more than necessary. I bop along with my thoughts all day. They are often relentless and exhausting. Sometimes I just lay my head down at night and beg my brain to pause for just a few minutes until I doze off to sleep. I have written a lot, not on here obviously : ), prayed a lot, and contemplated much of the reasons and motives behind the things I do. The hard part about looking critically at ourselves and praying for God to search our hearts and find any offensive way in us is that HE DOES. This, at first glance, may seem dismal, but there is hope. He doesn't just reveal and then check out. He reveals, equips, loves, provides sufficient grace, necessary rebuke and discipline, and promises to walk every inch of it with us. I hope I am growing. Sometimes forward progress and refinement feels more like digression and flailing. Chris Witt, our Sky Ranch director always said, "True gold is never afraid of the fire." This always resonated with me. True gold is not afraid because what is true and authentic will endure and everything that is not, any impurity or misplaced thing eventually will surface and fade. This does not compromise the heat of the fire nor negate the need for the purification process and all that it entails. It merely means that if I believe the claim I make about Christ being real, and the work he has begun in me then not only do I not need to be afraid of refinement but I will longingly invite and embrace every part of it. Paris had been both light and heavy. I have seen things with my eyes that my words will never adequately retell and I have felt things in my heart that I didn't even know existed. I have laughed a lot and cried too. I have had leisurely days full of sunsets, good wine, museums, and shopping, and restless nights plagued with tears telling of a still very tender heart that longs for things past and maybe even a little uncertain of things to come. Through all of these juxtaposed emotions and experiences one thing remains constant... my Jesus, his sacrifice, the word of God, and the Lord's faithful love.

I could not be more grateful for the gift that this time has been. My marmie is kind to give me this opportunity. The boys are doing great. Todd sat for another part of the CPA. Scott has been busy helping Tamara move into her new house and they are getting ready to move out of my dad's office into a different space.
This is absolutely the best and most logical thing for them to do, however I am very sad. Everything about the office on Ridge Road tells of my dad's once physical presence in that place. My mom, grandmother (dad's mom), Todd, and Holly are spending the week in New Mexico in the mountains. They just got there today. I am sure they will enjoy a little relief from the Texas heat that I have escaped all summer! The Hooper house is once again full also. My cousin Alyssa just moved in, as she is now teaching in Rockwall and we could not be more excited to have her in our home. Holly, Todd's girlfriend, is also moving in when they get home. It is basically like a sorority house.

As for my life update, I finished my last school assignment today which was a ten minute oral presentation- eeek. It actually went okay and I am thrilled to be done with it all. I am traveling with my good friend Laura Cooper for the next two weeks all across Italy and will be returning home on the tenth. I have to find a roommate, an apartment, and be in a wedding the week of my return before I start work on the 18th. If you remember and could spare some prayers, I would greatly appreciate any and all of them. I am certain that it will all work out- it always does because of that whole Sovereign God thing : ) I am just actively sitting in the waiting room hoping to have some answers soon!

Je t'aime mon amis et mon famille. Au revoir.....

A little piece of home

On particularly low mornings of missing home, I will break down and go find little pieces of my American life in an overpriced starbuck's drink or an expensive phone call to a friend back home. Yesterday Melissa Reyes, one of my old roommates from college, came into town with her brother and cousin. Old friends are such special people. It has been such a treat to have someone here that not only speaks English but knows exactly where I come from!
We brought our dinner to the eiffel tower last night and lingered for hours just laughing, eating, and talking. The other pictures are from Versailles, which was amazing in splendor and beauty. I want to go back and spend a day in the gardens. On the home front- Todd bought and moved into a house! I miss all of my little family! You all are the best! XOXOXOXOXOXO

City On A Hill

Montmartre host the hightest point of Paris. Anna and I had a delightful evening full of good conversation, tasty wine, and unbelievable views. This has been one of my favorite things in Paris so far. Local painters working on their craft and people all lounging around with guitars, picnics, best friends, great loves, blankets, and well you could find just about anything. People watching is a favorite past time of mine, but it takes on a different form when I am up that high looking down on individuals that I can't really see but know are there, due to the lights that illuminate the sky. I kind of like being tucked away into a crowd, sitting below the radar not being known in this foreign place. Paris is beautiful.

Art far beyond and deep within

I absolutely love art. As much as I love art, I think what really draws me to it, other than the fact that some people really are just ridiculously talented, I love expression: a million outward manifestations of a million different thoughts and feelings. Art looks different because we are each different. Even after a piece of art is hung on a wall, by the time each person experiences it, that work is somehow filtered through their own minds, past hurts, great loves, unforgettable losses, unforgivable trespasses, sincere hopes etc. . . and becomes to mean something of the individual's very own. I have never been particularly fond of modern art but until about a year ago I probably couldn't have given you any solid reason for my disinterest. I realized seven paintings into the museum that I didn't not like Picasso's work, I just don't have a full understanding of it (pardon the double negative-thanks, it just felt right). That is a natural immature response to things in life we don't understand. It is easier to say we don't like them than to dive into them, prepared to admit ignorance and lack of perception, than it is to embrace the unknown and seek to find whatever is there to be found. Before yesterday Picasso was merely a vague knowledge of a blue period, a pink or "rose" period inspired by the circus, and an experimentation with cubism. The museum hosts over two hundred pieces of his work and was rich with detail about his life, mind, and words. There was a quote that made me want to have dinner with him and talk to him (which proves to be difficult since he died in the seventies) in regards to the copious amounts of theatre, music, and art programs that are getting cut from school's entirely due to a lack of monetary resources. Having graduated from elementary school I say they cut out having new soccer balls and opt for generic brand chocolate milk before they deplete these fundamental blocks of a child's development. I also realize chocolate milk and all of the art programs don't share the same segmented budget; I just have to believe that corners might could be cut from other areas to help funding these essential programs. I am certain that Picasso, too, would find this both detrimental and ignorant on any school district, state or national government's part. He said, ""Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up." He believed in the innocent expression that flows freely from a child because they haven't yet learned how and why it is socially more acceptable, and convenient, for that matter to hide. All that to say I asked the art to be patient with me and my lack of knowledge. I am just now learning it and with new eyes. Like a person that you were acquainted with for a long period of time whom ends up surprising you with the depths of who they are and the greatness that they posses, I am seeing things in his art that I have blankly stared out on pages for years and am for the first time in my life, somewhat understanding. Picasso and myself got off to a late start, but I think we have a promising future.

The City Of Lights

Paris might have been given the name "The City Of Lights" for a number of reasons... the fact that because of tacky American tourist they designed a light show for the Eiffel Tower (I kind of like it... ie. tacky American), the fact that everyone smokes everywhere and I have gotten asked for a light as many times as I have been asked if I was American, because I can walk downstairs at three in the morning if I wanted to and have my choice from a plethora of cafes with well lit signs inviting me to not sleep, or because it stays well lit from the sun until about ten thirty at night. I don't know which one actually triumphed over the other reasons winning the title for Paris but I am growing quite appreciative for all of the above. I had a lazy Paris day today and a late Paris night yesterday. We braved the Paris night life at a club called La Suite in a posh area of Paris. All I have to report is that I enjoyed getting ready to leave and crawling into bed this morning more than I actually enjoyed the club. Anna loves to go out and it was fun to see all of the non-eating Parisian models drinking their evian water. I also remembered why clubs prove to be not so much my scene (or these kinds anyways) It is always fun to try to explain to intoxicated American boys why you don't want to dance with them or talk with them, how your not going home with them, how you in fact are completely sober, that you actually came here with your girlfriends just to have fun and you aren't looking to go home with him or anyone else etc.... It was even more fun conveying those same messages to intoxicated French guys who dress better than me with my broken French. And while I felt like I was flipping through the pages of In Style and GQ, I came to realization about my taste for boys, what can I say? I really like good ol' Texas boys (especially one in particular) who have a couple pair of jeans and maybe a couple pair of shorts with one week's worth of shirts that get rotated weekly and usually worn multiple times before washing. But hey I guess I should have expected this kind of experience... I did feel like I was at fashion week which goes into the Paris club high category. After rolling in about four this morning I slept .... A LOT.... I spent the afternoon/evening at the Eiffel tower. Me, a chocholate crepe, a diet coke, and my journal. It was relaxing. Tomorrow I have nothing planned and that is really happy to me. love you all....

happy day.

This is how my morning was spent. I am growing quite fond of this little cafe. It is directly across from the Luxemburg gardens and palace. "Bonjour, Je voudrais un cafe creme si vout plait. Merci beacoup." The server smiles at me and probably thinks I like him because I am making such a habit of my visits. If he only knew the truth... I have a coffee addiction and I just like to glance up over my journal to see the beautiful flowers across the street. What a truly amazing week it has been. I honestly feel like I have been here for a month already, as each day is long and full of life. I have met a new friend named Anna. She is from Sweden and in my class. We speak the same language. In case you were wondering, I don't speak Swedish. Her English is good and she likes practicing with me. Thus... an abroad friendship has been born. She is a beautiful and kind person. I have learned a lot from her in the short time I have known her. There is a tenderness about her that makes me just want to speak a little sweeter and softer. I introduced her to Hummy and we all three went to a bar to eat and watch France play some soccer. These people are crazy. it will be quite an experience if they win the world cup. The Lord continues to be so gracious to me. I see him everywhere, accompanied with so many truths that bluntly tell me that there is so much more to him than I choose to see. These people pray to him in different languages and he speaks to them accordingly. Thoughts of how different I am in this place flood me all day long and the really amazing thing that I can't help but go back to is the fact that we all have the same need, whether we acknowledge it or not. I love that we never quit learning about how big he is and how small we are. It is good to feel small, because I am. I love and miss you all, not a day goes by that the Lord doesn't bring different people to mind that I get to pray for and can't help but smile when the thought pops into my mind. Sweetest dreams . . .

Je suis desolee... Pardon moi.

I am sorry and pardon me.... SO useful. My French improves everyday. I have found a new friend named Hummy. She lives two doors down from me and is in the same program as me. I enjoy getting to know her, as every English conversation with any resemblence of things I know from the U.S. feels like a small bit of home. This morning we did lots of tourist things, Notre Dome, The Eiffel Tower, Bastille etc.... Notre Dame was my favorite. They were in the middle of mass and there was something touching and sad about the whole thing. It made my eyes water. The cathedral no longer belongs to the church but the state, so while they are still permitted to conduct mass, tourist are circulating around the outer part taking pictures and talking...so strange. All I could think was how this building left me speechless with its beauty, but how the whole reason it was that way was because of a corrupt church many years ago, built a treasury off of people's fears of being damned to hell and prayers that had to be paid for. The Eiffel tower is everything I wanted it to be. It didn't matter how many times I had seen it on a movie or in a picture; it is one of the most romantic things I have ever seen. I am waiting to go see it at night and am holding out riding to the top for right now. My classes start on Tuesday at the Sorbonne, which is a latin language school affiliated with the University of Paris. My sleeping is still not so on track. It doesn't get dark here until ten o'clock in the pm. I am overwhelmed with how many different kinds of people gather in Paris. I love love love it. I miss all of you and feel the love and prayers that cover me so well. Bon soiree!